An opinion is like jock-itch. . .

You may have it but nobody needs to know.

Just fix it.

In the meantime, scratch in private.

It’s August

Your prayers will be answered…

I was discouraged. Nothing seemed to be going right and ministry was, frankly, becoming a tiresome slog. I had been at some sort of pastoral meeting with some friends and confessed my condition. One brother, Charles, stopped me. He said, “Dan, what month of the year is it?”

Silly question. After all, I hadn’t been in solitary confinement. “August.”

Charles nodded wisely. “Exactly! That’s all you need to know.”

Over the years I have tested my friend’s observation and he is absolutely right about August. That month represents the doldrums of ministry. Hence a Danism was born:

Even God is out of the office in August. Prayers will be answered after Labor Day in the order they were received.

Everything Hurts

And what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work…

Don’t know where this came from for sure. I vaguely remember my mother reading it out loud to my father. Maybe it was one of those little epigrams that appear at the bottom of the page in Reader’s Digest.

Anyhow, as I get older, this Danism seems more and more appropriate. Sighhhh… aspirin, orthotics and aches, oh my…

On Where to Start

You’ve already done plenty of things to regret. You just don’t know what they are. It’s when you discover them. It’s when you look back and see the folly of something you did, and you wish you could take it back, but you know you can’t because it’s too late. ~~Phil-From Hospitality Suite by Roger Rueff

Most of us deal with regrets from time to time. I remember talking to one of my kids about it — probably all of them over the years. I just reminded them of this fundamental truth:

You can’t start from where you WERE

On the other hand (and this is the good part), you can start from where you ARE–sometimes even start over.

As Welcome as …

A cold-nosed dog in a nudist camp…

Another aphorism courtesy of good ol’ Tennessee Ernie Ford (bless his little pea-pickin’ heart). I picked this one up many years ago when I was just kid. Slightly naughty sayings like this always stuck with me, and since I often felt unwelcome in my school days it has served well as a status report.

Ice Cream Theology

I have never been much of a fan of fruit. Say the word, “snack” and it never occurs to me to look for an apple, orange of a handful of berries. Small wonder, then, that I don’t approve of fruit in or on ice cream.

Hence a Danism:

If God had intended fruit to be in ice cream He wouldn’t have given us CHOCOLATE!

What to Expect from a Preacher

I have wholeheartedly embraced a statement that I am told originated from past president of Multnomah School of the Bible, Willard Aldridge. He is reported to have said,

“When hearing a preacher, I hope for one of two outcomes, to arise inspired or awake refreshed!” 

How’s the View?

“Hi, Rich! It’s good to see you!”

To which my friend replied, “I’d rather be seen than viewed…”

I instinctively recognize a Danism when I hear one, so I adopted this clever reference to the local funeral parlor as my own.

Which reminds me of something I heard another friend say when he was asked what he would like for people to say about him at his funeral. His answer: “LOOK! He’s moving!”